I constantly asked my self why do I push away the good humans, the nice once and always fall for humans who are unable to love. Is my subconscious mind so destructive?
When you meet someone who is kind to you for a change, their affections seem suspicious, incomprehensible and a touch repulsive because at some level this isn’t what we are used to. It doesn’t tally with our views of ourselves love can be hard to receive when we are not fundamentally convinced of our own loveablility.
We spend our time seeking out those who will make us suffer in ways that feel familiar and it’s natural to assume that a kind lover has missed something. And then perhaps it’s okay to behave in disgusting ways(or by simply pushing them away) just to make sure that they understand we are not what they thought we were.
But we have to allow ourselves to feel. Perhaps it’s a sign that they seen in us that poignantly we don’t see in us and never believe in because of the figures of our past but we ARE deserving of love. There is hope that we can trust our lovers more than we trust our nervous self and destructive impulses.
We can interpret their love not as a sign of illusion or weakness but as an inherent loveablility in ourselves to which our past histories have blinded us. And maybe their love and tenderness can awaken us.
Practise daily. Stay safe. Stay humble.🙏❤ Much love😊🙏