We all have so many dreams, so many goals,so many things we want to achieve.
I am someone who is always an over achiever. I believe, if we train right our bodies right they are capable of magic. It can do the impossible, the unimaginable but we need to first believe we can. And then slowly bit by bit put in the hard work. And maybe one day we get closer to that dream.
SO I was on a three month fitness journey with Nike and they asked me “what fitness goal do you want to work towards?” And it came instantly to me saying I want to be a runner. I want to run 15 kms. And I purposely said 15 because I knew I couldn’t even run 500 meters without panting. So I challenged myself even more. (I will write more in depth about my running journey in my next blog but just going to share in brief here.)
I am asthmatic. I had a knee injury. But I’m also naturally a very lazy person so running 15 kms, I was certain I was boners. Like I said I was an over achiever.
The journey was very difficult I gave up so many times but in the end I did manage to pull through. And after all the hardships I encountered along the way I ran 16 kms, yes, an extra km more than my goal. Honestly after I hit the 12 km mark, my legs wouldn’t stop running.
Personally, when I was stuck and unable my journey was getting more difficult so many people were my motivation. My followers being my biggest support system. They kept sharing their running journeys with me and showed me their progress and even when I wanted to give up and thought I couldn’t do it, because of their nudge I knew I had to up my game. But I was just lost. I can’t even put words to it. I just felt empty. All my writings were getting even more negative than usual and I just couldn’t find that spark that made me want to go further with my body. I was just sad all the time and I just ate. I didn’t even want to go for a walk. I didn’t meet my friends or do anything. I feel sick because I was mentally so frustrated with myself. Here I can help and motivate 1000s of people but I just lost my purpose. I couldn’t do the same for myself.
How much ever I may talk about love and kindness when someone is genuinely kind to me I feel there’s an ulterior motive- either they want something from or take advantages of me in some way. I know it’s sad but I guess it’s because I have never allowed someone to be caring towards m in fear that they may one day hurt me or leave me. So I don’t allow people to get too close to me. It’s quite pathetic I know. So we Nike out of the blue surprised me I just couldn’t believe it. I was staring at the nike trainers Urmi and Kunal when they went on complementing me.
And in my head these were my thought, “Please stop! I’m so awkward. It’s already 15mins past class everyone wants to work not listen to this.”
And I was just blank with my awkward constipated blank face.
And then Svetana Kanwar comes in, my dance mentor, my inspiration and …my love. She has been there through my worst situations in life, when I would cut myself, when I couldn’t control my anger when my asthma attacks were so bad I had to sit outside class crying and gasping for breath and she was there. Just not saying anything, not judging me allowing me to cry, allowing me to feel the pain, allowing me find my breath again holding my hand. Never making me feel alone. Never making me feel unloved. Allowing me to get back on my feet by myself but holding my hand. She is such an inspiration to me. The confidence I got from my class was all because of her.
So when she entered hugged me(I’m already choking up at this time) and gave me some stuff and said Nike wanted to give you this and stood there in front of so many people and told everyone what an inspiration I am the tears that I was hiding I count control. Tears just streaming down my face.
“This girl has been through so much but she never chose to give me. She couldn’t dance because of her knee injury but that didn’t stop her. Everything happens for a reason. She is here today, with whatever she achieved because she put in the effort.” I CRIED.
This was something I think I needed. Because since a few months I have been lost. Everything felt monotonous; it felt like I wasn’t making a difference. I couldn’t see any progress in my fitness and giving up seemed so much easier. But here people I look up to are telling me I have come such a long way just made me realize I did. I know I don’t give myself enough credit and I am way too hard on myself. But when you have done everything yourself and you’re too busy making your empire you forget that you have come a long way and sometimes crying is purely cleansing. Cleansing of the past. Making you feel more alive for the present. No one in the entire world has surprised me like this. (I don’t like surprises because of the ‘not knowing what is going to happen feeling’ and also because I can read people pretty well so I know when something is up that no one could ever actually ever surprise me!) But I was so touched by the kindness. And I believed in my own strength that was fading.
I guess that is why the next day because of all the love I felt in that room, my feet ran the 16 kms.
Honestly, I get asked a lot. “Hasn’t yoga become a fad? Running definitely has. It just seems so ‘cool’ so that’s why everyone’s getting into it!”
To which my answer is, at least they are doing something to get fitter. Yoga/running/Pilates/ aerobics/functional training/ cross-fit/ gyming/ dancing/ football whatever sport you chose even if it is because it’s hyped up, you are doing something positive for your health. AND THAT IS WHAT IS IMPORTANT! Your goal should be the get fitter, stronger, healthier and the means can be your choice!
If you got a dream or a goal or anything you want to achieve, you got to chase it!
Amazing photography by Siddhi Patel