Today’s my last day in Sri Lanka, and I have been pushing off a project I wanted to start since, forever now. But I kept sliding it aside because of my normal insecurities taking over my mind. “I’m not good enough. There are better people. I’m not qualified enough. Will I be able to handle the hate? The negativity will get to me. Forget it. I’m comfortable being stuck in this self doubt. I’m scared of failure. I’m sacred of not being able to live to my full potential. I’m scared that my creativity will run out. Am I even helping anyone?
I’m scared of being hated.”
Insecurities just creeping out of my skin.
I have started working on the project in bits and pieces since I landed in Sri Lanka but not fully involving myself in it. I just kept delaying it.
Today again before breakfast I started and almost went into tears and asked myself, “Will I forever be enslaved by my fears?” “Will I always allow doubt to take over?” “But how will I ever know if I don’t even try?” “Failure is part of life Natasha, only when you make mistakes can you better yourself. Only if you try will you ever truly know. If you’re not ready now, it’s okay, take you’re time, but don’t let fear stop you, Natasha. Believe, and trust in the universe, she will give you a sign, believe in yourself.” (Yes, I talk to myself a lot.)
I took deep breaths, calmed my mind, wore a dress for a change left for breakfast with my parents.
As we were having breakfast, this girl approached me and introduces her mother and herself. “Sandhya, from Bangalore”, she said. when she told me I’m such an inspiration to her and if we could click pictures and told me, her mum also does yoga. I had the biggest smile on my face (a little awkward, to be completely honest.)
She told me “you’re such an inspiration and you’re so beautiful.” My heart melted. I couldn’t believe it. We are in a complete different country (Sri Lanka) and she is from Bangalore doing her third year in engineering and I am from Bombay (doing whatever it is that I do) and we meet in Sri lanka! What are the freaking odds! It’s marvelous how the universe gives you the signs you need.
Maybe my project will workout. Maybe it won’t. But I will never know if I only keep pondering about the worst possible situtations.
So I went back to my room and continued my project. Little does this girl know even though she called me her inspiration, she inspired me during my most vulnerable time.
Making my love stronger than anyone’s hate towards me and my art. Sometimes you have to dive, sometimes you have to take the leap of faith even if you are scared out of your mind and just trust. Trust the process. Trust in your worth. Trust in yourself. You are not what other people think you are, don’t even give into their perceptions. You are what you believe you are. Be a beacon of kindness and love.
Practise daily. Stay safe. Stay humble.🙏❤ Much love😊🙏